Mr. Ice Guy’s Top-25 Coolest Hockey Goalie Masks of All-Time
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The design a goalie chooses on his helmet is a direct and visible reflection of his personality, beliefs, and likes. It is a mark of individuality and team, all at the same time. The design can accentuate the city or mascot the goalie represents, or become a personal symbol.
I have taken into account three major factors to come with up with my all-time, top-25 list.
They are:1) paying homage to the city/team uniform/mascot
2) originality
3) overall coolness.
I have mixed feelings about this one. There is certainly no shortage of homage to Texas here, and the colors match the uniform. However, it is a bit much, and looking at it for more than 10 seconds is similar to sitting 6 inches from the television. But, it is certainly cool, and the artwork and thought that went into are fantastic, so it does crack the list, but barely. On one side we have a few horses, an old-western town and a stagecoach. I’m a big fan of the other side, which has a cowboy playing guitar by the campfire, out in the desert. The only thing this ode to Texas is missing is an oil well and the most overrated quarterback (possibly athlete) in sports history.
Spoiler Alert….The following is from the movie Youngblood and therefore exists only in a Hollywood prop closet.
Nothing says intimidation like Thunder Bay minor league hockey. Therefore, nothing says Thunder Bay minor league hockey like staring down a skull while trying to score. What could be more appropriate from the team that brought us Carl Racki, THE most fearsome and fearless goon the sport has ever seen, real or fictional. Keep in mind Youngblood came out in 1986, before customized masks really started to take off. Therefore, high marks for originality. And since it’s just simply a skull, high marks for overall coolness as well.
As I mentioned in my brief history of the mask, Cheevers was the first to customize his mask, so originality is through the roof. Drawing stitches really sums up the life of the hockey goalie before masks became the norm. He added a stitch to every place he took a puck to the face. Look at the mask, and then imagine being a goalie before they wore them. He makes light of their dangerous lives, and at the same time gives him enough overall coolness to make this list, but mostly I’m just paying homage to the man who paved the way for all the coolness that followed in his wake.
Anybody can have lightning bolts painted on their mask to represent the team. Denis put some thought behind it and gave us the source: Zeus. Let alone that Zeus is the king of all gods, ruler of Mount Olympus, which is a bold, necessary confidence booster for a goalie. But more importantly, Zeus is the one that controls and dishes out the lightning. So this design works all around. However, the image is kind of cartoonish, and Zeus looks almost puzzled, rather than punishing. We all know he’s only letting us have it when he’s furious about something. So the mask would be higher on the list if the image looked more like a photograph, and featured a much more pissed off looking god .
There is a lot going on all over this mask, making it the Washington equivalent of Mike Smith’s Texas collage. The color scheme and logo obviously check out. Trying to identify all the symbols of Americana is like trying to find Waldo. We have the majestic, always intimidating bald eagle, which seems to be either hugging the Capitol building or trying to pry the roof off to eat every useless member of Congress. On the other side, we have another eagle, doing the same thing to the White House. Not so prevalent, down by the ears, are the D.C. memorial of Honest Abe on the right, and the world famous Iwo Jima flag-raising by U.S. Marines on the left. And this is not the only mask on this list that gives us that. I’ll go out on a limb and say that the artist had more input on this one than his Quebec native client did.
I know what you’re thinking: How is a Darth Vader mask possibly this low on the list? Well, while overall coolness points are higher than Charley Sheen, unfortunately there isn’t much to do with Ottawa, Canada, or the Senators here. Yes, there is a silhouette of the Sens’ logo near the ears, but the main theme, while incredible, doesn’t pay much homage to the team or city. So if the Senators change their name to the Jedi Knights or Sith Lords (either of which would “force” me to buy a jersey yesterday,) Gerber’s mask would instantly jump 19 spots.
If I played goalie for the Penguins, my mask would be a snarling, rabid penguin, tearing the head off a fish, set in an Antarctic, oceanic background. Unfortunately, nobody else shares my vision. Ken Wregget, however, went in a direction almost as good. He went the Batman route, using the image of the Penguin. This works on many levels. First of all, he’s opting for the villain, which works for intimidation. The Penguin is creepy looking yet classy. And with whiny, diving, mama’s boy Sydney Crosby, the team is certainly the league’s top villain right now.
There’s not much one can do with the team name Canucks. So Corey did what he could, using the color scheme they had at the time. Note: This is the same team that is now green and blue. You may remember the jersey from the blonde flasher during the conference finals…well, before she lifted it. Every Ranger fan surely remembers the black and yellow they had up until the late 90’s. Here we have a very spooky looking Bates house from Psycho, complete with Norman watching the game from the second floor window. Obviously a Hitchcock fan, he has Alfred’s famous silhouette down the middle. On the chin, he includes the team logo, set in front of a brick wall, a common metaphor for goalies. Unfortunately, Hirsch was anything but; retiring 11 games under .500, with a goals-per-game over 3.
One of two ‘Canes to make the list, obviously Grahame is an American who knows his geography. Upon playing in Raleigh, NC, he went with a design that sums up Dixie to a tee: NASCAR and blonde belles. The mask has a stockcar near the top, and a checkered flag pattern all over, including the blonde’s (barely fitting) bikini and the flag she is holding. Oh, and by the way, there’s a nasty storm off shore on the beach she is standing on. Oh right…hurricanes. No really, there’s a hurricane there, right behind her breasts. Having trouble getting past them? Me too.
I’m a sucker for the old west, and the painted desert. So Ilya’s mask generates more interest to me than the team does to Arizona. Which is a shame because I want the team to thrive, and they have been quite good lately. We have the Arizona desert on the top, with the Coyotes logo painted over it. On the right side we have a cowboy riding into an area he probably shouldn’t. On the left, a real coyote howling at a full moon. All it’s missing is a few illegals running towards a landscaping job, and the cartel wrapping someone in burning tires
The city of Philadelphia was once the cornerstone of the founding of this nation. In the late 1700’s, the people demonstrated a defiance for authority and contempt of colonial society necessary to draft and sign a very importance declaration and put us on the path towards independence. Unfortunately, the people still exhibit that same defiance and disdain for authority and society, and have since added human decency to that list. Martin Biron’s helmet, however, sums all that is good about Philly. He has the Liberty Bell front and center. He has the skyline, overlooked by the city bridge named for one Benjamin Franklin, the second greatest American of all time next to General George Patton. And finally, he has the Rocky Balboa statue, arms raised, in front of the art museum. All this mask needs is Santa Claus getting knocked out by a flying battery at an Eagles’ game, and it will be complete.
Playing for the Oilers is a tough one. They are aptly named, as petroleum is a major industry of the region. While we usually associate negative images with the oil industry, like spills, oily birds, insanely rich white men and rape at the gas pump, Dwayne Roloson focused on the blue-collar end of it all, and found some positive images. We have a towering derrick on the right that seems to have sound the lode. On the left we have an actual oiler hoisting a barrel, probably taking it to ebay for about $90. Finally, he put his nickname, “Roli,” into the team logo on the chin.
What’s the difference between the Carolina Hurricanes and Miami Hurricanes? Well, other than the gross differential in probation, academic, penal code, and parking violations, the difference is the uniforms. I am a huge fan of team names that are indigenous to the city or state in which they reside; i.e., New Jersey Devils, Florida State Seminoles, Nebraska Cornhuskers, New York/New Jersey Hitmen. If you’ve ever watched The Weather Channel guy getting blown around Cape Hatteras, you’ll agree this a great name too, as long as they make it work. Carolina’s colors are black and red; the same colors as the international hurricane warning flag. They feature that flag on their trim as well their shoulder patch, and their main, chest insignia is a high-tech version of the symbol that blows across weather maps, hopefully heading somewhere you’re not. The Miami Hurricanes’ colors are orange and green, their mascot is a duck, and their insignia is some kind of big symbol that tells me I’m allowed to make a U-turn there. No points awarded to them.
Cam has had several masks, with similar artwork and themes, but only this one is worthy of cracking the top-25. He stays within the color scheme, making the wind-whipped ocean gray, and bashing a lighthouse, always a good effect. He has lightning all around accentuating the storm, which doesn’t seem to bother the Wright Brothers plane (Kitty Hawk, North Carolina for my younger readers.) And the storm also doesn’t seem to be bothering the battleship, which happens to be shining a spotlight on the hurricanes logo, which I interpret to be a version of the bat signal. So in addition to obvious homage to NC, he gets double points from me for overall coolness for a battleship and the bat signal. Oh, and the ship #55…you guessed it…the U.S.S. North Carolina. Well done.
The artwork at times can be a bit over the top, or too much if you will. Sometimes the adage, “less is more” makes for a more effective mask. Beezer’s mask is exactly that. His mask upon arrival to the Panthers in 1994 was simple, yet very effective. The top of the helmet was a panthers head, with the lower jaw and teeth down by his chin piece. When he looked down, like in this photo, the cat was a spitting image of the one in the logo, with eyes deadlocked on you, or whatever opposing player he was about to deny. So obviously homage to the mascot and uniform has been paid, as has coolness, and originality.
When paying homage, it doesn’t get much easier than playing for an Original Six franchise like Toronto. This work of art is an entire semester’s worth of Canadian elementary school history lessons. Front and center we have Maple Leaf Gardens, the Yankee Stadium of the north. Scattered all around, we have the likenesses of Leaf greats, Felix Potvin, Mike Palmateer, Johnny Bower, Wendel Clark, Doug Gilmour, and a few more classics I cannot identify. Much better job than putting a big leaf dripping with blood, which is probably what I would have come up with.
If anything says Detroit, it’s gunfire. If anything else says Detroit, it’s the American automobile industry. So Jimmy Howard cracks the top 10 with a simple, yet sweet mask that canonizes the city of Detroit with the American iconic symbol that is the Ford Mustang, in Wings color scheme of course, which coincidentally happens to be the ever-badass red with white racing stripes. An American muscle car staple since the 1960’s, the Mustang is more of a symbol of pride to the city of Detroit than even the 11-time Cup champion Wings themselves. For good measure, the Syracuse, NY-native added the always inspirational, “Let’s Roll” to the back of the helmet. Forever etched into our hearts on 9/11/01 by Todd Beamer on United flight 93, that phrase will always be something to get not only the fans, team and himself fired up, but of course, the nation.
Nothing is more badass than flaming skulls. Unless of course those flaming skulls were painted on a battleship. But a goalie mask is almost as good. Especially since the team name is in fact the Flames with red and yellow colors. Oh, and the skulls have long fangs, as if that was even necessary. On the right side we have an undead cowboy, pointing a revolver at anyone who tries to stuff one in on the short side. And since Calgary is cowboy country, homage is more than paid.
This mask certainly is eerie (yes, pun intended), and while he does include some Colorado Avalanche (the Monsters are a minor league affiliate,) Bacashiua chose to pay homage to Crystal Lake, and the original intimidating, pissed off goalie, Jason Vorhees. Skate through Ron Hextall’s crease and get a slash to the back of the knee. Skate through Mr. Voorhees’ crease and get your throat slashed. Bacashiua has had this theme since day 1, with similar designs of the killer on his Stars, Blues, and Hershey Bears masks. But this one is my favorite. In addition to the mask front and center, with black spaces and no eyes for full effect, we have the camp counselor slayer on each side, one wearing an Avalanche jersey under his tattered overcoat, and the other wearing a Team U.S.A. Olympic jersey. But not just any Olympic jersey, that is a certified 1980 Miracle on Ice edition. Well done. When asked why that became his trademark he replied, “He wears the goalie mask, my name is Jason and I’m the goalie.” Enough said.
Other than Spiderman (we’ll get to that), nothing says New York like Lady Liberty. Even though the Supreme Court ruled she resides in New Jersey, forcing the Empire State to remove her image from their license plates. It’s true, look it up. The mask is simple, beautiful, effective and more practical than you can imagine. Richter unveiled it a year or two before the Rangers Cup run. The color scheme obviously works perfectly with the Rangers’ red, white, and blue. In the late 90’s, when the Rangers brought out their dark blue alternatives with the Statue of Liberty chest logo, the mask was still a perfect match. And when Richter sported his Team U.S.A. uniform in the 1998 and 2002 Olympics as well led the team to the 1996 World Cup title…you guessed it…a perfect match.
The Wild have yet to be chosen for the Winter Classic, despite the fact that the Penguins and Flyers have been chosen twice. But that didn’t stop Josh Harding from sporting this winter wonderland mural on his head. In a scene all too familiar to Great Lakes youth, we have the Minnesota equivalent of what would be hitting the playground to shoot some hoops for the rest of us. First and foremost, the scene is all kids; good stuff. We have a game of pond-hockey, surrounded by snowy fields and pine trees. And even better, he had the guts to have each kid wear a different jersey, rather than all Wild sweaters, each of which can be identified with a different NHL team. A subtle effect that adds to the realism. Even the boards appear to be homemade from plywood and planks. With all this, a red sky keeps with the uniform’s color scheme.
What does a big rabid dog have to do with Toronto or maple leaves? About as much as it has to do with St. Louis, blues music, Edmonton or the oil industry; nothing. But early in his career with the Blues, he developed his own mascot, an anagram of his name. It just so happens the first two letters of his first and last name happen to spell the most badass canine of all time. Rumor has it even Jason Vorhees wouldn’t keep Cujo for a pet because he had trouble training him. From the Blues to the Oilers, Leafs and Red Wings, his masks were similar, featuring the big nasty pooch, painted the color of the uniform he donned. But the best, most badass looking design is hands down the one for the Leafs. We have fangs and yellow eyes that say don’t even think about telling me to sit. Team logos past and present on the side, are a good shoutout to the Leafs’ rich history, and the bottom jaw has the telltale foam that makes you pray that fence is sturdy.
As you may have picked up on through my articles by now, I love the American military, and symbols of American might and power. Apparently, so does Rick Dipietro. Therefore, the only way these masks could possibly be any cooler, is it had a Saturn V rocket and Seal Team 6 on it. Technically, Rick should lose points because these masks have just about nothing to do with Long Island or the Islanders, but I believe I could actually be tried for treason for doing that. Since both masks have the same owner and similar themes and designs, I put them both in, and we’ll just call it a tie amongst himself.
In 2010, Rick redesigned his helmet with basically the same theme, but a little more geared toward the colors of his Islanders team. He also added the equally as world famous 9/11/01 scene of the three New York City firefighters raising an American flag they found in the rubble at Ground Zero. The following year, he came out with yet another mask, very similar to the 2010 edition, but with painted camouflage in blue and orange. The inspiration for all this? His father was a helicopter pilot in Vietnam. As much as I hate the Islanders, Mr. Dipietro…I salute you.
One might assume that an all-time greatest list that featured a Devils’ goalie would automatically include Martin Brodeur. One might also assume that with a team name like the Devils, and a red and black color scheme, there would be plenty of badass masks to choose from. Remember what we learned in grade school about what happens when you assume? (I don’t think they teach that today because hearing the word ass can scar a child for life and turn them into axe murderers or something.) Surprisingly, in the 18 years since they ditched the Christmas tree uniforms for the red and black, there has only been one mask even close to worthy of recognition: Mike Dunham. This disappoints me because as much as I hate the New Jersey Devils, I love the team name (as mentioned previously) and the homegrown legend which they are named for. Behold, the one mask that does the legend justice. It features a demon head spooky enough to make the Frog brothers from the Lost Boys and Blade head for the hills. Well, maybe not Blade. Like Beezer’s, it has that creepy effect of when the head is tucked down, the eyes of the mask lock on to yours. Sort of like how that cardboard cutout at the mall always seems to be staring you as you walk by. (I spent a lot of time in the record store when Britney’s first album came out in ’99.) The devil has long sharp teeth, horns, and a generally pissed off look I would not like to encounter under my bed. Major points for homage to the mascot and team name, as well as overall coolness and badassedness.
Anyone who knows me knows that I love my superheroes, and apparently so does Valiquette. I also love America, so this mask just all around rules. Spiderman gives him high marks for overall coolness as well as city homage. Unlike Batman and Superman, who protect fictional cities (which in no way diminishes their badassedness,) the web-slinger is property of New York City. Not to mention Spidey’s color scheme is dead on with that of the Rangers. The mask also features Lady Liberty wearing a Rangers’ jersey, several Manhattan skyscrapers, and the Twin Towers wrapped in a shroud of Old Glory. Finally, the plate that connects to the back of the head is a big stop sign, which sums up what every goalie should be.
A team name of sharks gives endless possibilities for a great mask. Which is why it is so baffling that so many goalies have completely blown the opportunity. There’s been Evgeni Nabokov, with a giant creature on each side that looks like the offspring of the snow creature that tried to kill Luke on the planet Hoth, and the ghost of Christmas future. Not exactly sure how he came up with that one. And there’s a small shark on the chin with baby teeth. Brian Boucher’s wasn’t bad, but it looks like an aquarium. I am more inclined to sprinkle pellets on his head than be shocked and awed.
And then there was Brian Hayward’s masterpiece. He wore this trophy fish for the Sharks’ first game in their history. And no San Jose netminder since has even come close. It is, in a word: perfect. Simple, to the point, in your face, in his mouth. Originality? Absolutely. He was the Sharks’ first goalie. Homage? Obviously. The great white has a teal tint like the color of the jersey, but go ahead, taunt it for that. Let me know how that works out for you. Overall coolness? Badassedness? In case you didn’t notice, Hayward’s head is inside a great white’s mouth! Look at those teeth! If Chief Brody were alive, he would instinctively smash Hayward in the face with an oxygen tank, and then shoot him with an M-1 rifle, but not before crapping his pants. (Fortunately for Hayward, Myth Busters proved the tank would not explode.)
Tags: The Fantasy Fix, NHL Playoffs, Fantasy Hockey, 2011, Boston Bruins, Vancouver Canucks
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